Thursday, March 15, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The “There’s No Way You’re Into This Genre But I Didn’t Do My Homework” Email
"For Immediate Release
*****, a vibrant young recording artist who co-wrote songs: “*****”, and “*****”, all topped the European DJ promotional charts at #1. These tracks twist and turn through Euro-style beats with a distinctly American pop sensibility. Its like if Katy Perry and DJ Tiesto got it on and made a beautiful electro-pop baby.
***** released her first full-length record “*****”, independently on *****, 2012. The first single, “*****” which also opens the start of the record from***** is exotic. The song is a feel good dance floor anthem with electric-beats that ultimately take you to the club scene. Another track, “*****”, which spent several weeks at No. 1 on the European dance charts, catches your ears and makes you repeatedly sing the catchy chorus: “You want the pain, you want to be stung”. The record ends with ”*****”, a 70’s punk-disco vibe that leaves you yearning for more.
I have a very strong idea about what I want,” declares *****. That “strong idea” has translated into some impressive #1 hits
overseas for the sexy dance siren. This girl has got the goods to burn up any dance floor, and she’s
bound to be blaring in clubs worldwide very soon.”
I am not a DJ. I don’t care about DJs or the club scene or the European dance charts. (I also don’t care for your inability to hit the space bar, but that’s another matter.) So why are you telling me about this? Have you even read my blog? You’d realize there’s nothing danceable about it! And I mean that in a good way! Please keep your shitty house music to yourself. It’ll save you the trouble of constructing a poorly-written, boringly laudatory email, and it’ll save me the trouble of having to think about how this shitty music exists.
The Shitty Grammar email
"Hey hope your good, thought you would be really interested in this..
Here is *****’s new video to his single: “*****”. i really think you will enjoy and probably/hopefully love it, so have a look and please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or thoughts!”
Wow, buddy. im doing super over here, thanks for asking. I will, however, hesitate to contact you with such questions as, “Did you pass 6th grade English?” and “Do you understand the difference between probably and hopefully?” because that will just make you feel worse about yourself. Instead, I’m going to ignore this song, despite you knowing that I’m really interested. i guess your just totally wrogn.